Chaos.

I'm afraid of wind...and lightening...and tornados...and storms in general.  Lucky for me we've got all that going on in my part of the world today.  Yay.

It's been a chaotic day so far.  The wind is gusting between 30 and 40 miles per hour around here and the neighborhood is a mess.  It also happens to be recycling day in the hood, so I spent around 20 minutes chasing all of our aluminum cans, cardboard boxes, empty milk cartons, and pretty much the entire contents of our overflowing recycling bin out of my neighbors' yards.  You are welcome.
I didn't realize everything was flying out of my recycling bin until the most inconvenient moment.  I was in the middle of giving my older son a bath when my little baby started crying to nurse, a bit ahead of schedule I might add.  Haha, yeah right, like they have a schedule. I removed my older son from his bath (against his mighty little will) and strapped a diaper around him and put him in his crib.  I then picked up my little baby and started to nurse him and looked out the window.  It was right at that moment that the wind picked up the aluminum cans out of my recycling bin and flung them into the air like a tornado had come through (very similar to the scene in Twister where the little aluminum censors flight into the tornado).  Shit.  What a mess.  Right at that moment, I also realized my mother-in-law had called wanting to drop off my needy nephew again for me to sit for a few hours.  OMG, could things get any more chaotic??  I finished nursing the little fella and apologized to my older son about leaving him in just a diaper...although he didn't seem to care one bit.  He loves jumping in the crib, and was jumping like a mad man today.  I swear he was jumping higher than normal - perhaps less resistance without his clothes? :)

Anyway, outside I went armed with paper bags ready to clean up my mess.  There are things I know we recycled that I never found.  Sorry neighbors!  As I was running up the hill chasing Diet Mug Root Beer cans, I could feel the wind swirling all around me.  I thought to myself, holy shit, these last few minutes sure have been chaotic.  But, I made it through, picked up the recycling, dressed my older son and put him down for his nap, put my little baby down for his nap, and called my mother-in-law back who told me I was off the hook for babysitting today.  Thank.you.God.

I realized that my funny little morning and the little bit of chaos that ensued was NOTHING compared to the chaotic childhood I endured.  What's more, I will not let my little ones endure the same chaotic environment I did.  I'll protect them from the wind and rain no matter what I have to do. 

If you read yesterday's post, you know that my mom left me during my first year of life and cheated on my dad, and then my dad got her back by cheating on her during that same time period.  Obviously I do not have a personal recollection of the first couple of years of my life, but I know those stories because my dad and grandparents shared them with me.  One of the earliest memories I have is the birth of my brother.  I was five and he was adorable!  I vividly remember being in the hospital and giving him the little blue plastic elephant I had picked out for him.  I love my brother.  We had many years of not getting along and barely speaking, but he was there for me and tried his best to protect me during some very dark moments in my life.

After my brother was born, he became the center of attention and of course that was difficult for my five year old self.  However, you have to understand that I was not a bratty kid.  Despite feeling jealous, I still loved my brother, wanted to play with him all the time, helped take care of him, and would have snuggled with him all day if I could have.  But, my mother wouldn't let me. In fact, it seemed she didn't want me anywhere near my brother or her.  Most of my vivid memories start when I was around 7 or 8 years old and my brother was 2 to 3.  When we would visit with my grandparents, my mom wouldn't allow me to speak.  If we were sitting around the dinner table and I said something, I got kicked under the table.  And this happened a lot.  At Thanksgiving, I would be taken to a back room at my grandparent's house and slapped because I had too much food on my plate and I talked too much during dinner.  However, the whole time, my brother talked and threw food and had a great time, and my mom ate all of it up.  She never treated my brother like that - he could do no wrong.  At that time, I didn't understand why she acted like that but I do now which I will share at a later time.  I was a good kid.  I kept my room clean, did well in school (always got gold stickers and honor roll).  I did get a bad conduct grade a few times for talking too much in class, but now I realize I talked so much at school because no one kicked me under the table there.  

My mom treated me like that no matter where we were.  She would always take me to some back room and beat the shit out of me for talking too much, eating too much, and breathing loudly.  (PS - I was never an overweight kid, so am still not understanding why she beat me for eating.)  She would bring my dad in on it too and he would get in on the beating if necessary.  Pretty shitty, but there are some funny parts to it, too.  My parents thought that no one knew what they were doing, but my grandparents' houses weren't that big, so everyone there heard what was going on.  And, my mom accidentally kicked other family members a few times under the table which of course sparked a little conversation about why.  I always loved watching her squirm when being questioned about the way she treated me.  She of course would always make up some bullshit about how bad I was, but the only person that ever really believed her was my dad.  My grandparents knew better - they were not fools.  That is why whenever my brother and I got to spend a few days with them during the summer, they treated me like gold.  I LOVED spend time with my grandparents without my parents.  Those are the happiest memories I have of my childhood.  I ugly cried during the car ride home every time....to the point where my grandmother would cry.  My brother and I would beg my granddaddy to turn the car around, to not take that dreaded exit on I95 toward our house.  I remember praying to the good Lord that one day granddaddy would turn the car around...that one day all our begging would finally make him do it.  But, he never did.  

I have one memory of when I was about 10 years old where I had just come home from a week-long stay with my great-grandparents.  It was wonderful.  They took me out to eat, took me on their boat, we picked vegetables together in the garden, my great-grandmother and I stayed up late and watched movies, and they loved me.  I craved so much love when I was with my grandparents and great-grandparents, and they wrapped me in as much love as they could.  After that wonderful week, I remember laying on my bed trying to sob as quietly as I could so no one would hear me.  I was absolutely devastated to be back home.  I pushed my face as far into the bed as I could.  I can still feel the wetness of the tears on my face and my heart hurts thinking about it.  I cried so hard my face and throat hurt.  I even remember the commercial that wason my little tv when my mom came in the room to yell at me after she heard me crying.  (A commercial for windows - white house with lots of new windows across the front.)  My mom came in and asked me what the hell was wrong with me and I told her nothing.  Her voice got louder and she continued asking me what was wrong, so I told her the truth - I was sad to be home and missed my great-grandparents.  Then, she told me I could go live with them  if I wanted to and that I was an ungrateful bitch.  Then she slammed the door.

See, by that time, she had witnessed me crying after coming back home...several times.  She knew in her heart I hated living there, and she knew why.  She knew she abused me and treated me muchdifferent from my brother, yet she could not change her ways.  It was a vicious cycle.  She would get so mad when she saw how sad I was to be home, but she knew why I was sad.  Me being sad would make her even more angry though, and then she would come at me with even more fervor - both with her hands and her words.  

But, I still loved her.  I still love her now despite the horrid things she did to me when I was little older (between the ages of 8 and 14).  I still made her cards for Mother's Day and fixed her breakfast if I woke up before she did.  I made her Christmas presents and birthday cards.  I sucked up to her.  I know now that my little childhood self was doing everything I could to gain her approval and make the beatings, kickings, slappings, etc. stop, but my efforts seemed to go unnoticed.

More to come later...  Writing just about these few memories I have of those earlier years has helped me already.  In the thick of it, I get mad at my mom all over again, but at the end of the paragraph, I sort of feel a release.  And that's what I plan to continue doing - remembering what I want to forget, so I can let it go.

Have a great day all!

All the best,
Someone's mom

Break the cycle.

Today has been a good day.  We had some visitors  today and my older son had a great time playing with them.  While he and my little baby were napping this afternoon, my husband and I worked more on his big boy room...hanging pictures, moving his things in from the nursery.  It's really coming along and it makes me a little sad.  I still remember the very weekend my husband painted the nursery. Afterall, it was only a little more than a year and a half ago...and now another kid is moving into it.  It is slightly shocking.  I never would have imagined that day that he painted the nursery that less than two years later we'd have another baby boy waiting in line to use it.

Speaking of flashing back, I often go back to the day that we announced our first son's name at our co-ed baby party we had about a month before my due date.  It was a surreal moment.  Even though I knew there was a baby boy in there and we had already named in, I had not connected with him and couldn't fathom what life would be like when he was a part of our family.  Now I can't get enough of him.  Tonight at dinner, my husband accidentally (or perhaps intentionally) let out a pretty sizable poot, and my older son proudly exclaimed "poo pood!"  I literally choked on my food and my husband almost choked on his drink.  It was one of the best moments we've had as a family.  My son has already been letting us know whenever he poos by announcing "I pood"  Man, we are proud.  I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be proud of someone for announcing that they shit their pants.  I love parenthood.

I'm looking forward to hundreds, hopefully thousands, more moments like we had tonight.  But, in order to ensure I have those moments, I have to break the cycle...

See, there are a few reasons I started this blog.  One, to help me out with some areas in my life that I'm challenged with - mainly my pessimism and the stress I put on myself by constantly worrying.  Two , to connect with other parents and share advice, funny moments, and talk about life.  And three, to help me come to terms with the abuse I experienced as a child.  I realize I could keep a private journal or see a therapist, but I'm not a Dear Diary kind of girl and I'm not that interested in talking to a stranger about my issues.  I know that sounds funny since I'm writing a blog anonymously and sharing it with people I've never met...I totally get that that's weird.  But, I'm ok with that.

I come from a divorced family...like most of us these days.  My parents divorced when I was 14 years old, and although it was a horrible experience at the time, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  I come from an abusive home, and am a product of two people who I believe never really loved each other.

My parents got married at 18 years old.  My dad had a scholarship to a local university, and instead of taking that scholarship and earning a degree, he chose to marry my mom.  In knowing my mother and how manipulative she is, I firmly believe that she manipulated my dad into getting married instead of going to college.  I know that my dad could have made his own choices and I don't think he was forced to walk down the aisle at gun point, but there had to be some reason why he threw away that scholarship.  Perhaps the pregnant card?  I'll probably never know, but I am certain that they never truly loved each other.   My mom never had any college ambitions, and coming from a broken home herself, she wanted to get away and be taken care of.  I can't say I blame her.  She too comes from a pretty f-d up situation.  Her mother left my mom, her little brother, and their dad when they were very young children, and ran around with several different men for many years.  She was basically the town whore and my mom and her brother knew it and heard it being talked about.  My grandmother left her children with their dad, who really didn't want much to do with them either.  He then in turn asked his own parents to raise his children. WTF.  So, my mom and her brother were raised by her paternal grandparents...who were saints.

Flash forward several years later when I was born.  Just a couple of months after, my own mother left me in my crib while my dad was working a 24 hour shift.  She ran around town for a week with a guy and had apparently decided that parenting me was way too much to deal with.  My dad called in reinforcements and had his parents help out.  He begged and pleaded my mother to come back  and she did.  Not long after, my dad  cheated on my mom to get revenge, and they repeated this cycle for approximately 14 years.



My dad brought in his reinforcements again and my grandparents raised my brother and I for about two years until my grandfather was diagnosed with colon cancer.  They were wonderful and I owe my life to them.  More specifically, I will never know a more giving person than my grandfather...ever.  He unselfishly gave of his time, the little bit of money that he made, and all the love in the world.  He taught me how to play poker, how to drive, how to fish, and how to love.  I am a decent driver, an ok fisher woman, and a beach lover because of him.  I can forgive people because of him.  I am who I am because of him.  I lost my grandfather a few years ago to lung cancer, and I miss him every day.  I am reminded of his presence every day when I put on my engagement ring, which is a story I will save for later.

After my grandparents left so my granddaddy could fight his cancer, my dad then found his own independence...and several women.  Now my dad was the talk of the town.  Super fun for my brother and I in the small town we lived in.

So, there you have it.  This is a very small glimpse of the various chapters in my life that I'd like to forget, but know I need to remember so I can let them go.

There is a common theme flowing through my family - abandonment.  And it appears to happen only after children are thrown into the mix.  So now it's on my shoulders to break the cycle.  And, I will stop at nothing to do that.

I look forward to writing about these chapters.  There are a lot of details I do not want to relive, that I have buried deep down, that I've only shared with my husband and one or two other people, and I truly think it's going to feel good to get them out on paper..or I guess I should say on the Internet...  My parents should have never married, or procreated.  And now, 4 marriages and several ex-step siblings and broken families later, I plan to share all of the sad details why.

Thank you for reading.  It's crazy how therapeutic it is knowing I'm sharing with an audience of strangers.  I guess that means I don't have to hold back, right?

Well, it's off to bed. Only one week of maternity leave left with my precious boys.  I would give my left leg to have another 12 weeks with them.

Good night, sweet dreams!

All the best,
Someone's mom

Exhausted.

OMG.  Today was LONG.  Certainly not the restful Saturday I dreamed of.  We went out to the store today to get blueberries, milk, and wipes, and 9 hours later, we are home. 

We are in the middle of putting together a big boy room for our toddler, so we went around to a few different stores looking for various aspects for his room.  We are close to having it all together and we haven't spent an ass-load on it...yay!  The room is going to be all about our son -- <Insert Son's Name>'s Favorite Things.  We ordered peel and stick wall decals from RoomMates - all his favorite characters (and by all, I mean 3).  We painted the room an awesome version of sky blue.  We had two dressers given to us by my grandmother and a free toddler bed handed down to us by a friend of my husband (completely wooden bed - nice).  By the time it's all said and done, we'll have only spent about $200 or less on his big boy room and that makes me super happy.  AND, it's all about him which is even better.  I am SUPER EXCITED to unveil the room to him.  I can't wait to see the expression on his face when he opens the door and sees his fav Disney and Sesame Street characters on the wall.  Whenever these characters come on TV or he seems them on other things when we are out, his face lights up and he exclaims their names.


Once we were out and about today, we drove around town desperately searching for inexpensive bright green valances for my son's room.  He has three windows.  One store I went two had no valances, two others barely had a selection at all, and Target had two that I liked- but only 2 and nothing in the stock room (they NEVER have anything in the back by the way...ever).  I feel like I get the same answer everytime from them - what you see is what we have.  Anyway, so I'm back home without the valances, but did find a great wall clock for $4 and a new toybox that was 20% off...and a few other things he needed, so it's all good.

I realized a little bit ago that it's amazing how different my life is now and even more amazing at what I put myself through to ensure my sons are happy and have what they want and need.  We spent 9 hours out today looking for valances, buying him juice and milk and blueberries, looking for the best deal on a toybox, buying diapers and wipes and whatever my little guys need.  My lower back is killing me right now, my contacts are fuzzy, and I need a shower.  I nursed my little baby while standing up in the stall in the Target restroom, I nursed him in the car several times, I changed three poopy diapers and 3 pee pee diapers while out today.  I got poop on my hands.  I wiped baby boogars on my jeans.  I used the restroom at Target and there was no toilet paper.  I was spoken to by the lady cleaning the restroom who curtly reminded me I'm not supposed to have merchandise in there (obviously she's not a mother and has no idea what it's like to have your cart half full and then realize your baby has a poo diaper and is hungry).  My husband and I bickered out of exhaustion and stress...to the point where people were staring.  But, it was all worth it.  We did it all for our sons.  I'd do it all again tomorrow if I had to.  And, I'd do much more than just run around town for them.  I'd lay down my life for them...in a second.  I love feeling this way.  Becoming a mom really is one of the most rewarding experiences in the world.

Now it's time for bed.  Thank God.  I didn't get my glass of wine last night after babysitting my needy nephew yesterday, but I had two tonight to make up for it.  Yummy.

Looking forward to a new day  with my family...and to my post tomorrow...it's time to BREAK THE CYCLE! 

Night night!!

All the best,
Someone's mom

Someone else's kid.

Hi all!  Today I’m babysitting my 1 and a half year old nephew.  So, I have two toddlers and a 2 month old I’m responsible for.  Can we say wine with dinner tonight??!

So far, it’s been ok.   We’ve all had breakfast, poops, snack, playtime, and a nap.  Count me out for the nap part

There have been some particularly challenging moments though…

My nephew is a bit more needy than my two kids.  He loves his momma dearly and only wants her.  We have a room in our house gated off with tons of toys in it, and for the longest time today he just stood there at the gate crying for his mom.  My son even went up to him and hugged him and loved him and he just pushed my son away and continued crying.  It made me sad and I tried everything I could to get him to interact with my son and calm down.  Finally, he did, but he’s had several other flare ups since then…all at the precise moment that I’ve been doing something for my kids.  He’s the sweetest thing, but also a real pain in the a$$ when it comes to wanting his momma.  It sure does make me appreciate how independent my toddler is.  I think there’s maybe been one time when he cried for me when I dropped him off before work one day, and he was teething and had a cold.  The person who watches him says he never seems to care that I leave.  I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not the more I think about it.  I mean, I kind of want him to care.  He does get excited when I pick him up and I love that part.  But, I was gone an entire week a few months ago and I expected him to run to me when I got home, but he was happy for just a minute and then went back to playing with this toys.  I suppose if I had to choose between the two personalities, it’s much better to have a child who is independent.  He plays by himself and entertains himself when I am busy with my little baby.  His cousin who I am watching today does not.  The moment you leave the room he starts crying…and the cries get louder until you go back to him.  I feel sad for him because he’s so little and it seems he has some separation anxiety.  I sure hope he figures it out soon and gains a little independence. Even his momma talks about how lucky I am that my son is so independent.  And, my experience today so far has made me count my blessings and appreciate my son so much – I even told him that and thanked him for being him when I put him down for his nap. Here’s hoping my little baby turns out like his big brother!

I honestly can’t believe I even have a minute to type up a post.  Que the choir – they are all sleeping – Hallelujah!  Not for long though, my little baby is starting to get squirmy…almost time to nurse again.

My last thought for the day…  I was changing my nephew’s poopy diaper and thinking to myself, man this is SO GROSS.  Sure, my own son has some nasty diapers, but it seems so much more disgusting when it’s someone else’s kid…  But at the end of the day, it’s all shit.

Have a great day!

All the best,
Someone’s mom

Getting anxious.

A common theme in my life is anxiety and worry...I'm pretty sure you can tell by reading some of my posts ;)

Today's news is all about rising oil prices, falling housing prices, and everything in between. I even heard that it will cost approximately $240,000 to send one child to a public university in 2030.  WTH.  I may throw up.

If you know me, you'll understand that one of my current obsessions is the price of gas.  I get absolutely PISSED every time I pass a gas station and the price is higher.  I can't stand it.  I want to get out of my car and throw a large rock at the gas station.  If I ever meet the CEO of BP, I may even throw a rock at him.

I work close to 45 minutes from my home, so I spend a lot of money in gas every month.  It is nearly impossible to try and save money for college or pay off revolving debt when we have to continue to shell out more money each week to fill up our cars.  On top of this, my husband and I are considering a mini-van or SUV in the future, but I have no idea how we'll be able to fill it up.  My poor husband has to listen to me bitch about the price of gas on a weekly basis.  I feel for him and babe, I'm sorry.  I know that it's a fixed cost and we have to deal with it.  I understand that it rises due to issues like unrest in the Middle East, market speculators, etc.  I hear all that but I still hate it.  I can still be pissed about it.  I know that my little self being pissed about the situation will not change a thing, but I need to hate it.   

I'm always anxious about money....about how much debt we have, about the fact that we do not have much savings, about the fact if either my husband or I lose our job, we are screwed.  I've been anxious about money all my life, but it's even worse now that we have two little fellas who depend on us to provide for them.

I have a plan to get my husband and I out of some of our debt in a couple of years.  If you have more revolving debt than you'd care to mention, check out how to snowball and pay your debt down.  I used a snowball calculator at Whats The Cost.  It's free and if you set up an account (which is basically your email address), you can save our snowballs and download a csv file so you can save it.  I've never received spam or junk mail from them by giving them my email address.  I'm sure there are other snowball websites out there, but this is the first one I found and so far so good.

On another note, I'm anxious about heading back to work in a week and a half.  I'm going to miss my boys so much.  I've bonded with my older son and we share breakfast every day.  I'm going to miss my breakfast buddy.  My little baby is a wonderful snuggler, and I'm going to miss our snuggle time during the day.  I'll be living for the weekends for sure!

My job is great but I'm going back to a mess.  I manage a team of individuals who market a product, and every year for the past four years, my team has exceeded our goals.  This year has been completely different, and my team has missed the mark by a lot.  I used to be in their position, so I know how to do the job and do it well, and I plan to get back in the office and get back to basics with them.  The first time I went out on maternity leave they did just fine, met their goals and made me proud.  Collectively, they were not doing well as a team before I had my second son, and unfortunately have not really recovered while I've been out on leave.  So, in addition to getting into the groove of being a working mom of 2, I have to go back and re-train many of my team members on how to do their jobs...or clean house I suppose...which I do not want to do.  Most of my team members are young and are also like my second set of children.  I can't really remember a day where one of them didn't come in my office and shut the door to talk about another person or a personal problem of their own.  I love that they are comfortable with me and want my help, but it can be exhausting.  At the end of the day though, thank the good Lord I have a job.  I am lucky and I do realize that.

So, gas prices and my job...two things that are making me anxious today.  But, I'll deal with it.  That's what us moms do.  We have our own problems and things that bug us, but our main job is to take care of our little ones and shelter them from the problems facing us and the rest of the world, and that's what I'm going to do.

Any advice on how a busy, working mom can manage her anxiety would be awesome!


Oh, and my toddler has a horrible case of diaper rash...he evidently pooed two nights ago in the middle of the night and woke up with the reddest booty we've ever seen.  We've been slathering his little butt with as much Balmex as we can get on it, but it's not that much better.  We've sworn by Balmex with both of our children, but haven't had to deal a case of diaper rash as bad as this yet.  If you have any secrets that I am not aware of, please send them my way!

Have a great day, and remember to take a few minutes for yourself today!

All the best,
Someone's mom

I never thought I would...

This past weekend, we were around some of our friends who are parents, and we realized all at the same moment that we all call our significant others “mommy” or “daddy.”  For example, I’ll say to my husband, “Daddy, (son’s name) needs a diaper change.”  My husband will say, “Mommy, (son’s name) is hungry.”  When my friends and I all realized we were doing that, we laughed because there was a time in all of our lives before we had kids where we thought this was ridiculous and completely cliche.  I remember telling my husband that we’ll never be THOSE parents who call each other mommy and daddy.  That was certainly short-lived.  I think we started doing that a day or so after my first son was born.

This leads me to think about the other things I used to think I would never do once I had children…  Things that I always frowned upon when I saw other parents doing them.

1.  I never thought I would use the TV as a babysitter…ever.  That went right out the window here recently.  If I need to take a shower, change the laundry, hell, do anything away from my toddler, he goes into the Pack n Play and checks out Your Baby Can Read or Elmo for a few minutes.  Now, I’m not one to sit him in front of the TV for hours on end, and I’m still sticking to my guns about not having a TV in his room, but a little bit here and there does not hurt in my opinion.  In fact, he actually learns from Your Baby Can Read.  He repeats the words, does pretty well with his flash cards, sings the songs, and recognizes words and objects that he learned by watching those DVDs.  I’m ok with TV as long as he’s watching shows that are geared toward his age and things that he’ll actually learn from.

2.  I never thought I would allow my children to use binkies…  Hahahahahaha.  I just have to laugh at this.  Now, my first son did not start using one until after he was 3 months old and at my mother-in-law’s house (she watches him full-time).  My second son is 2.5 months old and still doesn’t want one.  So, I certainly have not forced it with either of them and I was not the one to give my first son his binky.  But, it has been a life saver in some situations…especially in public or when we have company or are at someone else’s house.  He doesn’t use it all the time, but he does use it to calm himself down or even settle down for bed at night…and I’m ok with that too.  We will begin breaking him of it soon, but for now, I’m going to let him use it when he wants.  We do wait for him to ask for it, and here recently, he only asks for it at night before bed.

3.  I never thought I would bribe my children with food…  Yep, that went out the window when my first son started eating Gerber snacks.  Now, I’m not an advocate for overfeeding or using food to make your kids behave, but there have been a few times out in public where he’s been hungry or grumpy, and Gerber Yogurt Melts have saved the day.  In order to get him to calm down and not scream at a store, I pull out the snacks.  We have situations like this at home too.  I’m ok with it as long as I’m giving him something relatively healthy.  At least I’m not giving him Coke or Doritos as I’ve seen some other parents do…even members of my family who I love dearly.  Not going to happen.  My son has not had a taste of a soft drink…he likes milk, juice, and water, and mostly prefers water.

4.  I never thought I would use a “leash.”  Now, let me preface this by saying I haven’t used one yet and do not own one for my kids.  However, I’m in the market for one soon.  With a new baby, it has been a little challenging to go out in public with my toddler…especially if I’m by myself.  We do have a Chicco double stroller and it has been wonderful to use, but there are times when my older son doesn’t want to be in it but I’m having to take care of my little baby…challenging.  I’m scared to death of my older son running away or being snatched or running into traffic.  I honestly don’t really believe he’d run away from me, but you never know, and I think these leash things offer peace of mind to parents, and in crazy times like these, a little peace of mind goes a long way.

5.  I never thought I would get frustrated with my children.  What I mean by this is, I come from a broken home with abusive parents, and I in no way ever want to be like them…ever.  I’ve also seen parents out in public disciplining their very small children for being curious or throwing food.  I have found myself here lately (out of frustration and exhaustion) raising my voice at my toddler or wanting to yank him forcefully away from the back of the couch he is climbing on.  I start to get frustrated but then remind myself that I don’t want to be THAT mom…moms I’ve seen in public…my own mom.  So, I’ve learned to lower my voice, and talk gently to my toddler and let him know that what he is doing is wrong/dangerous/not nice and that he’s hurting mommy’s feelings.  I even put him in time out yesterday…and it got to him.  He cried.  I made him sit beside me for a minute and once it was over, he hugged and went on his way.  This part of raising children is so new to me and scary…  My toddler is starting to say no and defy me a bit, and this is the part of raising children my parents were HORRIBLE at, and I’m so worried I’ll end up like them in some way.  Now, I’ll never beat my children with a belt, shoes, fly swatters, you name it.  I’ll never call them bastards, bitches, the dreaded c word, or anything else my parents called me.  And, I’ll never let the family dog attack them. That’s right, that happened to me repeatedly from ages 12 to 14 and I’ll never forget it.  I’ll have to save some of that for another post…there’s a lot of scary stories coming your way.  So, yes, when I was pregnant, I thought, I’ll never get frustrated and never let my kids see me get frustrated.  But, I’m not perfect and it has started, but I am making a conscious effort every.single.day to NOT be like my parents and NOT let my children hear or see the frustration.  I mean, I don’t want them grow up and blog about me, right??!  At least not in a negative way

So, there you have it.  Just a few of the things I never thought I would do before I became a parent.  It’s amazing how our children turn our lives completely upside down isn’t it?  We do and say things we never thought we would.  Our lives become about our children. We realize that the choices we make every day will affect our kids.  But, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

What are some things you never thought you would do that have been thrown out the window now that you have kids?

All the best,
Someone’s mom

Weird exit.

Since I missed posting yesterday, I have another for today to make up for it...  And, if you read my post about abiding by my internal clock, you'll know I mentally blogged all day as my day progressed.  So, here's how it ended.

To set it up for you, it was late evening and my friend was getting her babies ready for bed.  They have a bedtime that they stick to, but my friend said we could stay past that bedtime to visit with her...she would just need a few minutes to put them down.  I haven't seen my friend in FOREVER (like sometime in the middle of last year), so I wanted every minute to catch up with her that I could get.  So, she's busy putting her babies to bed, and we are busy feeding our older baby some dinner and our little baby a bottle.

Around that time, my friend's step-mom stops by.  She had been away all day on a visit to see her father whose health is failing.  It was a tough day for her.  However, that doesn't give her the right to be rude.  Anyway, my friend had put her babies down and my friend was tired but wanted to visit with us for a little while longer.  She was on a quick trip home and had not had as much sleep as she would have preferred (like as in hardly any) and I completely understand what that feels like.  However, she and I have been friends for half our lives and lived together for four years, so we both wanted a few more minutes to visit.  When her step-mom gets there, she says hi and gives hugs and meets my new little one and even talks about how cute my older son is.  That all takes about a minute.  After that minute, she immediately starts telling my toddler to be quiet, babies are sleeping.  Take your shoes off, babies are sleeping.  Don't run, don't talk, don't giggle...she was practically telling him not to breathe.  I was in another room nursing my younger son but I could hear some of this.  Plus, my husband comes in and asks me "are we leaving soon?"  I told him I didn't think so and asked why.  He says that my friend's step-mom tells my toddler to put his shoes on and asks if we need help packing up and if I was done nursing.  WTH.  I then said, "yep, sounds like we are leaving."  Now, my friend had nothing to do with this bizarre behavior.  She was upstairs checking on her babies.  Mind you, this is a house with all wooden floors and very thin walls (very old house), so wherever you are in the house, you can hear what's happening in the rest of it.  So, any sound any of us makes echoes up to the babies' room.  Further, my son was not screaming, banging things, or any of the like.  He was simply enjoying being in the room with everyone else.  My little baby had done some crying previously because he did not want a bottle and only wanted to nurse, and after a few minutes of that I nursed him so he would be quiet and not wake the babies.  Plus, I apologized to my friend and she said it was fine - her babies had for the most part slept through that.  Also, my friend's step-mom wasn't there for any of that.

Anyway, so we were basically ushered out of the house and it felt really awkward.  I was so excited to see my friend and the actual visit with her had been wonderful, until the weird exit (which is the term coined by husband once we were down the road).

My friend is driving home today but I expect she'll call me later to apologize for her step-mom.  She's always had issues with her and ever since I've known her talks about her step-mom ruins things...and is somewhat socially awkward.  Now, I've had wonderful times with my friend and her family, step-mom included, but the end of our visit last night was not one of them.

This is one of the first times someone has told my kid to be quiet, stop running, etc., and I didn't like that...at all.  Not.one.bit.  It reminds me of Alison Krauss' song, Baby Mine.  If you haven't heard it, you should listen to it.  The lyric that reminds me of how I felt last night is:

All of those people who scold you
What they'd give just for the
right to hold you

So, BACK OFF visit-ruiner step-mom and leave my kid alone!  It would have been a different story if he was running around the house yelling and throwing things, but he was not.  I know my friend needed her sleep and we certainly did not want to take up the babies, but her step-mom wasn't there for most of the visit and did not understand that my friend and I had everything under control.  Annoying.

I was very happy to get home to my cozy, warm house where my child could say and do as he pleased...although he went right to bed like a good boy...with no crying, foot stomping, throwing things, etc...because he RARELY acts like that...EVER.

Nonetheless, I am so thankful I got to spend a few precious hours with my friend and meet her beautiful babies.  I love her and her family dearly and that's all that matters.... 

Are there people in your life who scold your children unnecessarily?  How does it make you feel?  Where do you draw the line with saying something?  I need some advice on how to deal with this in the future, because I was mad last night, and I want to make sure I have those emotions under control in case a situation arises in the future where I feel like I really do need to say something...  Luckily the situation last night was just annoying and weird...not one where I felt I needed to say something.

All the best,
Someone's mom

Stress, anxiety, and abiding by my crazy internal clock.

Well, I missed a posting yesterday :(  But, I certainly thought about what I was going to write as my day progressed, so although I didn't actually post, I posted in my own mind.

The day started around 8am when my older son woke up.  It was to be a big day for us.  We were headed out to the country to visit with one of my best friends who was in town (she lives about 8 hours away).  She and her husband have two children and I was able to meet them for the first time - yay!  Beautiful baby girls!

My goal was to leave the house before or around noon so we could spend as much of the day as possible with my friend and her family.  This was a challenge as I had not packed anything yet, both children needed baths, my husband wanted to take care of a couple of small projects first, and we needed to get some lunch on the way.  I figured I could handle all that in a few hours so I got right to work at 8am.  It took FOREVER to get everything done and I'm still wondering why?  My older son and I ate breakfast together and cleaned up, then I gave him a bath, then gave myself a bath, then fed and bathed my younger son.  My husband was able to help a little but was busy with his own projects (making the most of the little bit of time he had off I guess).  By the time I was packed up and ready to go, it was 12:30...ok not too bad but still later than I wanted to be.  Enter:  anxiety and stress!!  For some reason, whenever I am running even the slightest bit late or even have any fear that I may be late, I am anxious, stressed, moody, and sweaty.  It's not pretty people.  And, unfortunately I take this out on my husband - he's such a patient man.  I made a good effort in just being ok with the fact that we were not leaving when I wanted to...I mean, we didn't have to be there at a specific time.  So, off we go.  No sooner had we pulled out of the driveway then my husband tells me we have to do a drive-by of his mom's house as she is out of town.  Ok, fine, it's a mile away.  But then we get there and there's an issue that my husband has to take care of, so that adds an additional 10 minutes to us being later than I wanted.  Grrr.  Then, I realize we need gas - great, another stop.  Then, I realize I've left something at home that we need - back to the house.  Then, there's a problem with my tire that my husband has to fix while we are at the house - another five minutes.  THEN, we go to the drive-thru to get lunch, and it's lunch time so the drive-thru is wrapped around the building - another 15 minutes added to the trip.  THEN, and finally, my older son tries to get out of his car seat so we have to pull over.  Holy crap.  This is taking FOREVER!!!!  So, two hours after we leave, we make it to the destination that is only 45 minutes away.  My anxiety was through the roof. 

You may be thinking I'm nuts because it was supposed to be just a fun trip to visit with friends, but it was more than that for me.  I was already starting to worry about the hell I'm going to get out of the house every day to go to work in a timely manner.  Luckily, I don't have to punch a time card, but I have several meetings throughout my day and need to be at work around 9am...and my office is 45 minutes away.  So, I'm now FREAKING out about how early I have to get up - can you say early freaking morning for me??  Now, I'm extremely lucky as I have family who watches my children for me and they live extremely close by, but they are family, so dropping off and picking up my children takes a few minutes as they like to visit and talk...which is awesome for normal people, but not for a stressball like me who is so fearful of being late and wants to abide by her own crazy internal clock no matter the consequences.

Anyway, back to getting up early.  I'm not a morning person.  Not.at.all.  I'm horrible in the mornings...mean even.  I am not nice to my husband and I abhor everyone around me...such a terrible trait.  Luckily I am nice to my children- no need to be a biotch to them, right?  Since it's back to work in two weeks for me, I've made a goal to turn this anger around and not be so grumpy in the morning.  I am working on understanding that it's all internal and that I'm only causing trouble for myself by being so mean in the mornings.  I need to understand that EVERYONE is tired and in a rush to get where they need to go, not just me.  I'm going to have to get up early and I just need to deal with it.  I need to learn how to prepare the night before.  I need to understand it's not the end of the world if the kitchen floor isn't swept before I leave (man that's going to be tough - remember I'm completely obsessive about a clean house).  If you have any suggestions on what I can do to ease the stress of the morning, that would be great.  Now that gas prices are on the rise, my husband and I have also made a deal to carpool a couple of times per week, but he refuses to carpool with me when I'm so grumpy and I don't blame him.  And, we NEED to carpool as we both work 45 minutes from home.  We both recognize we can't carpool every day because we need some time to ourselves, but we need to try as much as possible to save a little bit of money.  So, in the interest of saving money, I have got to be nicer. 

I don't know why I'm so crazy about abiding by my own expectations and internal clock.  Sure, I need to make sure I'm on time for meetings at work and whenever anyone else is counting on me to be somewhere by a certain time, and when I'm answering to others I freak out.  So, why do I have to freak out when I answer to myself too?  I know I'm just causing myself unnecessary stress.

So, in two weeks, I need to start learning the art of preparing at night, and figuring out to get up early, get it all done, and not freak out every minute until I get to work...because I'm only pissing off others around me.  My husband has told me so many times that he hates starting his day to my grumpiness...it ruins the rest of the day for him. Who wants to be a whole day ruiner???  Not me!

All the best,
Someone's mom

Side note - it's amazing to me that I cannot stand preparing at night for the next day...I consider myself to be a planner and incredibly organized.  People always tell me how they wish they were more organized like me.  I guess it's all a facade, huh?

Early morning reflections on the mommy heart.

Good morning! I have a few minutes now before the rest of my little world is moving about and that it would be a great time to post. My little baby is laying here beside me with a full belly and a fresh diaper...he's a happy little fella right about now. My big baby is snuggling with his daddy and hopefully they are both back asleep. My big baby has had some redness between his little toes here lately so we've been keeping him out of socks. Last night, he also slept in thinner pjs than he's used to (he's been in fleece pjs most of this winter). Since it's been warm here, I thought the thinner pjs were the way to go last night, but it got a little colder than I realized. I keep it at 68 in my house so it's not terribly cold. I went to check on him though and he was curled up in the tightest little ball I've ever seen and his little feet were cold. He won't stay under a blanket for anything. He goes to bed covered up, and we check on him a couple times per night and cover him back up, but I can't be in there with him all night to make sure he's under his blanket. I wish I could. He woke up not long after I checked on him and when I was changing his diaper, he said "blanket." Poor thing was cold. So now he's snuggling in our warm bed with daddy and it makes my heart smile knowing he's nice and warm. Now, he slept just fine last night and slept through the night...and he was probably comfortable, but remember I worry like crazy so when I touched him and he was cold this morning, I was incredibly sad thinking that he was probably freezing all night long. Couple that feeling with still missing his baby hair that we chopped off yesterday and I was sort of an emotional wreck this morning. What in the world is wrong with me?? I'm not preggers (fingers crossed - that would be insane) and I don't think I'm PMSing... I guess it's just my mommy heart. I cry at so many things now that I never used to think about or react to - tv commercials with children, babies being born on TLC's A Baby Story. I've cried like a little baby myself so many times the moments the babies are born. My husband thinks I'm insane and sometimes I believe him ;)

I realize though that our hearts change so much once we have children. We of course do all that we can to provide for them, keep them safe and warm, and shelter them from all of the craziness that this life has to offer. I'd die for my children, and this is crazy to me because I have been and still can be a very selfish person. I'd do anything for them. So, this is a warning to any wood-be bullies waiting to bully my kids when they are in school - watch out! ;) Just kidding - I'll be a nice mom, I promise!

It's an amazing feeling to love two little beings so unconditionally and to want them to have it so much better than I ever have or will have it. My mommy heart is so full of love (and a little bit of concern). I realize that home is now wherever my kids and husband are... Even though I'm sad about going back to work in a couple of weeks (I'll miss my breakfast buddy so much - I've really bonded with my older baby), I know that every day I'm going home to be with the ones I love so deeply. To be with the ones I never knew I could love so much.

Have a great day.

All the best,
Someone's mom

PS - any thoughts on keeping a toddler under a blanket so he doesn't have to sleep in the fleece pjs all the time would be great!

Firstborn, first haircut!

It was another beautiful day in my part of the world. Sunny, but very windy. Several issues with fires around my great state. Thank you so much to the men and women working tirelessly to put them out and keep us all safe!

This morning, my firstborn had his very first haircut. Yesterday, I took tons of pictures of his beautiful long, somewhat curly blonde locks. Today, he became a big boy. He did so great and was the star of the show in the salon this morning. He stole the hearts of all the women there. I'm not quite sure how I feel about the whole first haircut thing. I mean, I know he needed it, but I'm a bit emotional about it. His haircut is very cute, but he's a different little person all of a sudden - still my baby, but a grown up version. I'm getting used to it as each hour passes. I asked my husband if he liked the haircut, and to my surprise, he said we should have kept his hair long in the back. I think we are both having a little bit of a tough time with it - crazy! My husband was rooting for the haircut and is usually not very emotional about things like that.

Aside from my crazy emotions, I'm so proud of my little boy for being such a big boy today. It was a great experience! We spent the rest of our day with family and my husband cooked out a wonderful meal, complete with yummy dessert to finish up the day.

I'm so thankful for my babies, my hubby, and my wonderful in-laws. I married into such a loving, fun family and for that am truly grateful.

I'd love to hear from anyone about your child's first haircut. Were you emotional about it? Did you feel your child was a different kid afterwards and did you need some time getting used to it? Or, am I just crazy?

Goodnight all!

All the best,
Someone's mom

Amazing, just the way you are.

My last post for today. Earlier today I was changing my little one's diaper, and I sang the lyrics to Bruno Mars' Just the Way You Are. I left out the "girl" part though and sang "Because you're amazing, just the way you are." He smiled and coo'd and I loved every minute of it. My babies are truly amazing just the way they are. They will always be amazing, no matter which roads they take in life. I loved that I've realized that.

Some of you may think that all moms believe their children are amazing just the way they are and that it's an inherent trait that us moms have, but that's not true. There were many times where my own mother and father did not think I was amazing just the way I was...and they let that be known. I was put down more than a kid should be, and I was called every bad name in the book by my parents...including the dreaded "c" word by my Dad. I'll NEVER EVER call my children any of those names. I'll never make them feel like they are not amazing and that they do not live up to my standards. I never want them to feel the way I felt for 13 plus years of my life.

So, my sweet boys, you will always be AMAZING, just the way you are!

All the best,
Someone's mom

It's a beautiful day.

It’s so pretty outside in my part of the world. It should be in the 30s and 40s this time of year but right now it is almost 70 degrees. I love it; it makes me ready for spring…and more importantly, summer vacation in the OBX (that’s Outer Banks for all of you on the West Coast). However, as much as warm weather excites me, I don’t want the days to speed by. See, aside from working on my patience, constant worry, and obsession with cleanliness, I’m learning to slow down. We’ve all been there in our childhood and teen years where we wish for nothing more than to be grown ups and on our own. However, it does suck a little when we get here…no more parents to pay the bills! Joking – it doesn’t suck that bad and in fact, it’s really fantastic. Anyway, I’ve learned to slow myself down and am really trying to live in the moment as much as I can. This is hard for me because I’m always looking forward. For example, I can’t wait for the day when my husband and I are debt free…which is a long time from now. We are on a plan to make that happen and it’s a long plan. I keep thinking how awesome it will be when we get there, but then I realize my kids will be starting school then and won’t be my babies anymore, and I’m not ready for that. So, until then, we’ll be in debt and live paycheck to paycheck but enjoy the hell out of our children.

I think I get this trait of always looking forward from my Dad. My Dad is prepared for anything and everything, but mostly his death. He has his funeral plans laid out, his plot is purchased, his Will is in order, his life insurance policies are up to date, and I have copies of all of these things because he insists I am as prepared as he is for his own death. You’d think my Dad is in his 60s or 70s, but no, he just turned 50 not long ago. But, he’s been ready for death as long as I can remember. And, I can’t stand it. It’s so morbid. His mother is the same way…especially since my Grandfather died a few years ago. She always talks about how she’s ready to go, can’t wait for it actually. I can’t stand it and tell them to please stop talking about it. I remind them they are in the current state of LIVING and to enjoy LIFE and make the most of each day. My words are empty of course and they are still on the fast track toward their own deaths no matter what I say, and I feel sad for them. Life is amazing; so amazing in fact that sometimes it hurts me to think about how wonderful it actually is. Sure, there are so many negatives and so many challenges we all face, each different and each so important to us. But, at the end of the day, we have one LIFE to LIVE. One chance to get it right; one opportunity to seize the moment and enjoy it. And, I’m working on doing just that. Sure, we need to be prepared. My husband and I need to have a Will in place and make sure our things are “in order” but I refuse to focus on it and worry about it like my Dad and grandmother. But, for now, I’m going to enjoy my family and live in the NOW.

As I type this, I am listening to my wind chimes on the front porch and feeling the breeze from my open kitchen window (in February!!) sneak around the corner and hit me in the family room. My little one is drifting off for another nap in his swing, and my big little one is napping in his crib. I’m waiting for both to wake up soon and am hoping there will be enough light left in the day to take them for a stroll in the neighborhood.

I sure do love being on maternity leave. I’ve learned so much about my toddler and the little boy he is growing into, and even more about myself this time around. It has been a truly wonderful experience; I can’t believe it’s almost time to go back to work – 2 weeks. Luckily, I enjoy my job, so as much as I’ll miss my beautiful babies, I do not completely dread heading back to work. However, I did tell my husband last night that it sure would be great to only worry about taking care of my boys and the house, instead of worrying about the stress of my job. He said "I completely agree with you." This is very rare - he NEVER agrees with me. He then said "it sucks to have to worry about stuff that's not even a part of your life." I get where he's coming from - when I'm at work, it's work and it's about work. But, I also spend 40 hours per week there, so it's also kind of part of my life...alas we agree to disagree on that. Anyway, throughout my time at home these past few weeks, I have questioned why I work and have thought many days about how nice it would be to be at stay at home mom and be with my boys every day and that moms who get to do that are so much luckier than me. But over the past week, I’ve learned that I work for my boys. They are my motivation to do well and succeed. I want to provide for them and I want them to learn the importance of hard work. I believe that if you give it your all at work and model yourself after others who are successful, then you too can be successful, no matter what line of business you are in. This is one of the good traits I inherited from my Dad – thanks Dad. He instilled the importance of hard work in me when I turned 16. He “gave” me our older car and said if I wanted to drive it, I needed to get a job to pay for the gas and oil. So, the next day, I packed up my brother and headed to the local amusement park and interviewed on the spot (with my brother in two no less) and started working for a place that became a part of my life for almost 10 years…a place that forded me the opportunity to make wonderful friends, achieve several promotions including the most coveted position at the park at one point, meet my husband, and learn a ton of life lessons (including how to fake it til’ you make it when dealing with the public!). Everything I learned there I have carried with me throughout my career and experiences from that park have been shared in every interview I’ve had since then, and have helped me to land a pretty amazing career. So, thanks Dad; I didn’t see it at the time, but making me go out and get a job as soon as I could proved to be extremely life changing for me.

Oh the randomness of my blog. This is why I love writing. I am free to express myself and choose whatever road I want to go down. I can take a thought and completely steer myself down any path I choose. I love how in a few short paragraphs I started with sharing the weather in my small part of our world to thanking my Dad for sending me off to get a job at 16.

So, now I want to hear from you. Are you on maternity leave? Love it or hate it? Ready to go back to work or about to send in the quitting papers? What did you learn from your first job? Did it change your life? I know mine did, and I plan to instill that same work ethic in my kids.

Enjoy your day in your part of the world – remember to slow down if you can. Why not take a minute and reflect on yourself? Would love to hear from you.

All the best,

Someone's mom

Hello, World!

Hello, world! Thank you so much for checking out my blog.  It means a lot that you would take a couple of minutes out of your busy day to read about me!  Get ready for some fun!
A little about this Mommy… I've come to a crazy realization over the past 2 years that has been wonderful, scary, enlightening, entertaining, and crazy...I'm someone's mom!! OMG. Now, I realize that we have almost 10 months to prepare for this realization while we are carrying our little bundles of joy in our wombs, but I didn't really realize this until several months into mommyhood. And, sometimes it still hits me like a ton of bricks when I least expect it to. I am responsible for another life. RESPONSIBLE. As in, I am the one my child looks up to...the one he learns from...the one he'll model his values after. Holy crap! Not only am I responsible for one young innocent life, but now I have 2! I've learned so much about myself, life, and everything worth living for in this short journey I've had so far. See, I call it short because my babies are 15 months apart and my oldest baby is 17 months...17 months! In 17 months, I've become a mommy of 2...wow. Time has flown by these past 17 months, but fortunately I have a good memory and a great camera...and I have most of it documented on film...thank you Jesus for Canon.
So, back to this realization of Holy crap! I'm someone's mom! It's a bit scary for me because my parents are crazy, nuts in fact. But, as I type this, I do love my parents and have forgiven them for the pure insanity they put me through as a child. I learned all the ways how NOT to parent. I do NOT want to be like my parents. I love them, but there have been many years where I have not liked them...at all. But, forgiveness is a virtue that I have embraced with open arms very recently, and it feels good. I will in fact be sharing stories from my childhood as I think it helps to get it all out, and it might be interesting to some of you...and if it's not, that's ok too. Afterall, it's my blog ;)
So yeah, it's scary to realize I'm a mom and scary to think that down the road, my own children may not like me just as I could not stand my parents. I NEVER ever want that to happen and I work every single day to ensure it will not. This is truly a journey for me, and I look forward to documenting it and hearing your thoughts and stories.

I love my babies. Aside from my sweet and patient husband, they are my life. Having a toddler and newborn means that like you, I am a busy. Maybe in a different way from you, but other mommies out there know what I'm talking about. I've always been good at scheduling and organization, but never good at patience. It's been a struggle but I'm getting better every day... When my toddler throws his food repeatedly on the floor at at me, I struggle with wanting to yell at him, but I've learned to choose my words and my tone...but it is so HARD to do! I'm already so busy...I don't have time to pick up the food off of the floor, sweep it up, and hose down the high chair. Why can't he just eat the food like a normal person?!! Because he's not a normal person - he's a toddler. It's my job to teach him the right way to eat, and that my friends, involves a ton of patience.

Another struggle of mine is my crazy obsession with having a neat and tidy house. Thanks Dad for this nutty trait. I’ve always been a neat and clean freak (I mean neat as in if someone moves my stuff even an inch to the left I know about it and resent them for it) and as my older son has grown into a toddler, I’ve learned that it’s impossible to keep your house neat when you have a toddler, and, it doesn’t matter. Everyone understands that my time is limited and the house will not be perfect, and everyone else understood that long before I did. I'm learning to have fun and get down on the floor and play with my son. I’ve learned that it’s more important to cuddle and love my babies then to clean the kitchen or straighten up the toys. It took me a while to get here and I’m pretty new at it, so I am still having to make a conscious effort to put my babies first before a neat and tidy house.
This leads me to my next challenge along this journey...I’ve always been a worrier, but now of course that horrible trait has increased exponentially (thanks again Dad). I worry that my babies are sick, that they will not be smart in school, that they won’t have friends, that they won’t like me when they get older, that they’ll turn into me when they get older and worry all the time, that they won’t like each other, that we won’t ever get out of debt and will have to give up everything we own (or will own in 3 to 20 years) and not be able to provide even basic necessities for our children, that the house will catch on fire while we are here, that my car will go off a bridge while I have them in it… See, I’m crazy, right?! I’m a bit of a pessimist, and another thing I’m working on is turning that around. My husband has done his very best over the past 12 years to help me with that, and every day I’m consciously trying to stop worrying and think about the worst. It is truly unhealthy so please send me some ways to deal with it if you can – I’d appreciate the advice!
In trying to work on my optimistic outlook, I’ll say it this way – I’m currently learning to “appreciate” the new body I’ve acquired after being pregnant for the past two years. I’m a breastfeeding momma so I can’t necessarily diet the way I want, and that’s ok. The most important thing is that I’m able to successfully feed my baby, and I’m committed to that. However, I still struggle with my body image and have for a long time. My husband (like all good husbands) thinks I’m just fine and loves me no matter what, and I appreciate him for that, but a girl can still want the perfect body, right?! I have started to be more conscientious about what I’m eating and how many calories I’m putting away, but I know that at the end of the day, skinny jeans are not worth risking my baby’s health because I’m not able to produce enough milk. So, I'll take any advice on how to not worry about this crappy little aspect of my life too.
There you have it. Realizing that I'm someone's mom has led me to realize that I struggle with patience, constant worry, body image, and being perfect. Probably sounds like a ton of moms you know, or maybe yourself. I'm looking forward to continuing this journey into turning these somewhat negative aspects of my life into positive ones. I love my children and husband with all that I have, and I want to LIFE LIFE to the fullest, and I want to embrace everything that is worth LIVING for.

I look forward to hearing about your realizations, what you've overcome, and any advice you have to help this mom achieve what is currently above me - optimism!
Oh yeah, and by the way, it's back to work in 2 weeks for me - I'm a full-time working mommy - and that makes it all that much more difficult.

All the best,

Someone's mom