Hello, World!

Hello, world! Thank you so much for checking out my blog.  It means a lot that you would take a couple of minutes out of your busy day to read about me!  Get ready for some fun!
A little about this Mommy… I've come to a crazy realization over the past 2 years that has been wonderful, scary, enlightening, entertaining, and crazy...I'm someone's mom!! OMG. Now, I realize that we have almost 10 months to prepare for this realization while we are carrying our little bundles of joy in our wombs, but I didn't really realize this until several months into mommyhood. And, sometimes it still hits me like a ton of bricks when I least expect it to. I am responsible for another life. RESPONSIBLE. As in, I am the one my child looks up to...the one he learns from...the one he'll model his values after. Holy crap! Not only am I responsible for one young innocent life, but now I have 2! I've learned so much about myself, life, and everything worth living for in this short journey I've had so far. See, I call it short because my babies are 15 months apart and my oldest baby is 17 months...17 months! In 17 months, I've become a mommy of 2...wow. Time has flown by these past 17 months, but fortunately I have a good memory and a great camera...and I have most of it documented on film...thank you Jesus for Canon.
So, back to this realization of Holy crap! I'm someone's mom! It's a bit scary for me because my parents are crazy, nuts in fact. But, as I type this, I do love my parents and have forgiven them for the pure insanity they put me through as a child. I learned all the ways how NOT to parent. I do NOT want to be like my parents. I love them, but there have been many years where I have not liked them...at all. But, forgiveness is a virtue that I have embraced with open arms very recently, and it feels good. I will in fact be sharing stories from my childhood as I think it helps to get it all out, and it might be interesting to some of you...and if it's not, that's ok too. Afterall, it's my blog ;)
So yeah, it's scary to realize I'm a mom and scary to think that down the road, my own children may not like me just as I could not stand my parents. I NEVER ever want that to happen and I work every single day to ensure it will not. This is truly a journey for me, and I look forward to documenting it and hearing your thoughts and stories.

I love my babies. Aside from my sweet and patient husband, they are my life. Having a toddler and newborn means that like you, I am a busy. Maybe in a different way from you, but other mommies out there know what I'm talking about. I've always been good at scheduling and organization, but never good at patience. It's been a struggle but I'm getting better every day... When my toddler throws his food repeatedly on the floor at at me, I struggle with wanting to yell at him, but I've learned to choose my words and my tone...but it is so HARD to do! I'm already so busy...I don't have time to pick up the food off of the floor, sweep it up, and hose down the high chair. Why can't he just eat the food like a normal person?!! Because he's not a normal person - he's a toddler. It's my job to teach him the right way to eat, and that my friends, involves a ton of patience.

Another struggle of mine is my crazy obsession with having a neat and tidy house. Thanks Dad for this nutty trait. I’ve always been a neat and clean freak (I mean neat as in if someone moves my stuff even an inch to the left I know about it and resent them for it) and as my older son has grown into a toddler, I’ve learned that it’s impossible to keep your house neat when you have a toddler, and, it doesn’t matter. Everyone understands that my time is limited and the house will not be perfect, and everyone else understood that long before I did. I'm learning to have fun and get down on the floor and play with my son. I’ve learned that it’s more important to cuddle and love my babies then to clean the kitchen or straighten up the toys. It took me a while to get here and I’m pretty new at it, so I am still having to make a conscious effort to put my babies first before a neat and tidy house.
This leads me to my next challenge along this journey...I’ve always been a worrier, but now of course that horrible trait has increased exponentially (thanks again Dad). I worry that my babies are sick, that they will not be smart in school, that they won’t have friends, that they won’t like me when they get older, that they’ll turn into me when they get older and worry all the time, that they won’t like each other, that we won’t ever get out of debt and will have to give up everything we own (or will own in 3 to 20 years) and not be able to provide even basic necessities for our children, that the house will catch on fire while we are here, that my car will go off a bridge while I have them in it… See, I’m crazy, right?! I’m a bit of a pessimist, and another thing I’m working on is turning that around. My husband has done his very best over the past 12 years to help me with that, and every day I’m consciously trying to stop worrying and think about the worst. It is truly unhealthy so please send me some ways to deal with it if you can – I’d appreciate the advice!
In trying to work on my optimistic outlook, I’ll say it this way – I’m currently learning to “appreciate” the new body I’ve acquired after being pregnant for the past two years. I’m a breastfeeding momma so I can’t necessarily diet the way I want, and that’s ok. The most important thing is that I’m able to successfully feed my baby, and I’m committed to that. However, I still struggle with my body image and have for a long time. My husband (like all good husbands) thinks I’m just fine and loves me no matter what, and I appreciate him for that, but a girl can still want the perfect body, right?! I have started to be more conscientious about what I’m eating and how many calories I’m putting away, but I know that at the end of the day, skinny jeans are not worth risking my baby’s health because I’m not able to produce enough milk. So, I'll take any advice on how to not worry about this crappy little aspect of my life too.
There you have it. Realizing that I'm someone's mom has led me to realize that I struggle with patience, constant worry, body image, and being perfect. Probably sounds like a ton of moms you know, or maybe yourself. I'm looking forward to continuing this journey into turning these somewhat negative aspects of my life into positive ones. I love my children and husband with all that I have, and I want to LIFE LIFE to the fullest, and I want to embrace everything that is worth LIVING for.

I look forward to hearing about your realizations, what you've overcome, and any advice you have to help this mom achieve what is currently above me - optimism!
Oh yeah, and by the way, it's back to work in 2 weeks for me - I'm a full-time working mommy - and that makes it all that much more difficult.

All the best,

Someone's mom